10 Ways to Get Around Maryland’s New Hands-Free Driving Law

We’ve all seen the giant digital signs on the highway…

“No Texting While Driving… Hands-Free Devices Only… It’s The Law.”  This creates a serious problem for many of us who conduct large amounts of business and recreational conversation while driving. We can’t be stopped. We refuse to be cut-off. We are communicators and must find ways around pesky laws like this to keep the streams of communication open and vibrant.  Many people have lamented the fact that their commutes will now be insanely dull and that they will probably lose many friendships due to their sudden decline in communication.  Well, fear not!  Below are 10 ways that you can circumvent the no-texting-while-driving laws and keep your witty tweets and messages coming in full force.

  • Tint your windows so dark that no one can see inside to know what you are/aren’t doing with your hands.
  • Get a chauffer, let them do the driving.
  • Get a teenager, let them do the texting.
  • Keep your hands on the wheel- Learn to text with your feet!  There’s no law against texting with your feet so problem solved!
  • Uze a talk 2 tie p serv ice to trans l8 your talk ang into textz it wuks real yee god.
  • Duct tape your phone to the middle of the steering wheel. You’ll be able to use your thumbs to text if you hold the wheel at the 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock positions.  Booya!  You’re not holding your phone!
  • Get one of those metal frame neck holders that musicians use to hold their harmonicas.  Use it to hold your phone and text with your tongue. Or just make out with it. Your call (no pun intended).
  • Visit Chernobyl, grow extra hand out of belly button.  Use that hand to text, drive with the other two.
  • Do not touch your phone. Use the force. Text with your mind.  Yes, this is the answer you’ve been looking for…
  • Go retro:  Using a pencil and paper handwrite all the texts that you want to send before you leave the house.  Put the hard-copy text notes in envelopes and snail-mail them to the people you wanted to message.  Use the car to drive to the post office.  Mail them.  You will be applauded for your retro-cool sensibilities.

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