1. When you first check in ask the registration volunteers where the VIP section is. When they tell you there isn’t one get really angry and shout, “Do you know who I am?!”
2. Try to get people in line to do the wave with you.
3. Right before you walk into your booth strike up your best cheerleader pose and shout, “GO TEAM!”
4. Ferociously scratch your stomach and left side of your neck simultaneously every 30 seconds no matter what.
5. Wheel in a stroller holding a giant family sized metal can of peaches. Every so often talk baby sounds to it and cover it with a blanket. If anyone asks what you’re doing just ignore them and whisper to your peaches, “It’s ok baby, they didn’t mean it.”
6. At the end of your voting time in your little booth suddenly yell out, “I WON, I WON!” and then grab your stuff and rush out of the room, arms flailing.
7. Show up with no pants.
8. Show up with all your clothes inside out.
9. Once you’re in line start nervously looking around and whispering to yourself. If anyone asks if you’re ok scream at them; “DO I LOOK OK? I LOST ALL MY MUFFINS!”
10. Go on ebay and purchase all the Jimmy Carter election propaganda you can afford. Show up to vote decked out in “Jimmy Carter in ‘76” gear and start urging people to vote for him.
11. Wear alternating red and blue garments. For example: 1 red sock, 1 blue sock, red pants, blue shirt, red hat, blue jacket, etc… If anyone smiles at you give them a slight nod for appreciating your subtle yet ironic political humor.
12. If things get quiet or the conversation lapses, lean out of line, look to the far corner of the room and whisper, “Here, kitty, kitty…”