Dave & Busters and Orthodox Presbyterian Church Announce Strategic Partnership

Very serious reformed denomination and fun-loving sports bar unveil historic collaboration

(April 13, 2017) Today the historically conservative Orthodox Presbyterian Church (OPC) and Dallas- based sports and entertainment brand, Dave and Busters, announced a strategic partnership aimed at a mutually beneficial complement of physical and spiritual services. Over 18 months in the making, the partnership was drafted in final form in the spring of 2016 and formally ratified at the OPC General Assembly where executive leadership from Dave and Busters were flown in to take part in the signing of the formal agreement.

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The iOS7 Serenity Prayer

I’ve been meaning to post this one for a while.  For all the folks out there struggling with the iOS7 release… there’s hope for you. Stand strong, friends.  Share this. Even if you can’t read it and you hate magenta.

iOS7 Serenity Prayer

 

Mac OS Names That Never Made it to Market

We all know that Mac has carefully chosen the names of their operating systems over the years, what you don’t know is that there’s a whole slew of names that didn’t make the cut and were nixed from coming to market. A top-secret source from Cupertino (who shall not be named) has provided us with this list of Mac OS names that never made it to market.:

  • Glow Worm
  • Sloth (or 3-toed Sloth)
  • Snow Lemur
  • Sea Cucumber
  • Chihuahua
  • Big Dog (or Big Dogg)
  • Slug
  • Cephalopod
  • Ice Lamb

Do you know of any other names that didn’t make it?  Please post below.

Crowd Goes Wild For YouTube Obama Interview!

Actual screen grab from the post-State of the Union streaming Q/A time with members of the White House staff as they take questions from -omg- TWITTER!  As you can see the facial expressions ranged from asleep (or dead) to mild smirking and potentially vomiting in the background.

youtube president obama Q and A interview youtube Q and A state of the union

Food Miracles!

2 amazing food miracles this month!

First, a random stir fry:  My chicken turns into South America with shocking accuracy!

South America chicken Miracle

Second, my son, a mere toddler, chews his hamburger meat into a perfect star. A PERFECT STAR!  He is destined for greatness…

Star shaped hamburger miracle

12 Twisted Ideas To Make Voting Much More Fun


1.  When you first check in ask the registration volunteers where the VIP section is.  When they tell you there isn’t one get really angry and shout, “Do you know who I am?!”

2.  Try to get people in line to do the wave with you.

3.  Right before you walk into your booth strike up your best cheerleader pose and shout, “GO TEAM!

4.  Ferociously scratch your stomach and left side of your neck simultaneously every 30 seconds no matter what.

5.  Wheel in a stroller holding a giant family sized metal can of peaches.  Every so often talk baby sounds to it and cover it with a blanket.  If anyone asks what you’re doing just ignore them and whisper to your peaches, “It’s ok baby, they didn’t mean it.”

6.  At the end of your voting time in your little booth suddenly yell out, “I WON, I WON!” and then grab your stuff and rush out of the room, arms flailing.

7.  Show up with no pants.

8.  Show up with all your clothes inside out.

9.  Once you’re in line start nervously looking around and whispering to yourself.  If anyone asks if you’re ok scream at them; “DO I LOOK OK? I LOST ALL MY MUFFINS!”

10.  Go on ebay and purchase all the Jimmy Carter election propaganda you can afford. Show up to vote decked out in “Jimmy Carter in ‘76” gear and start urging people to vote for him.

11.  Wear alternating red and blue garments. For example: 1 red sock, 1 blue sock, red pants, blue shirt, red hat, blue jacket, etc… If anyone smiles at you give them a slight nod for appreciating your subtle yet ironic political humor.

12.  If things get quiet or the conversation lapses, lean out of line, look to the far corner of the room and whisper, “Here, kitty, kitty…”


Cartoon Coincidence? Plots That Happen In Every Cartoon Series.

We all have our favorite cartoons;

some are current, some we grew up with and others are timeless classics from before we were born.  During our early years of mass television consumption, we were not able, critically speaking, to interpret and deconstruct what was really going on in our favorite shows.  Now however, through education and the grace of God, we are finally able to appreciate our old cartoons and interpret their witty and wise messages for us today.  In the midst of this recollection process I stumbled across something amazing.  Basically, we have to admit to one of either two possibilities in retrospect concerning our pre-teen TV shows

1)    All the cartoons of our childhood were made by the same group of cartoonists; probably pale, hairy and socially maladjusted geniuses.

2)    All cartoons share the same basic plot lines and there are really only 25 or 30 total cartoon plot possibilities.

This is my thesis and here’s why.  Pick your favorite childhood cartoon.  Now look at the list below and tell me that your show didn’t have an episode about every one of these topics!  Submitted for your approval here is my eerily detailed list of plotlines that almost every cartoon series contains.  There might be more but here are the most common ones. Conspiracy?  Coincidence? Judge for yourself…

SPACE.  The character or characters “accidently” get launched into outer space.  One of the characters stumbles across a space ship or is accidentally launched into space at the clumsy hands of the government or NASA equivalent.

SHRINKING.  Some clever person invents a shrinking machine meant for some ignoble purpose like shrinking suitcases or eradicating the world of dust, yet somehow, the characters get shrunk and then have to live in the regular world for a period of time which is absurdly big.

FAME.  One of the characters “goes Hollywood”, gets famous and then forgets about the little people.  At the end they are humbled and realize the value of their ‘ordinary’ friends and that the life of showbiz is hollow and full of empty promises.

FAKE DEATH. Someone learns they have a very short time to live because of a rare illness or exposure to toxic ray gun, etc….  This shatters their life priorities and changes them as a person but only to learn at the end of the episode that they’re not in fact dying at all.  Oops.

TIME TRAVEL (backward).  Someone invents or discovers a time machine.  The characters travel back in time, usually to the exact moment where something momentous in world history is about to happen. Most common time periods visited:

  • Dinosaur times (usually a friendly dinosaur saves someone’s life)
  • Ancient Egypt when they were building the pyramids (and apparently the ancient Egyptians did speak English)
  • Dark Ages Europe (the characters usually rescue a helpless peasant or dethrone a savage and egotistical ruler)

TIME TRAVEL (forward). Again the characters are pulled into the space/time vortex although going forward in time apparently happens through wormholes in space and natural phenomena in addition to the aforementioned time machine.  The characters go to the future, are appalled at the state of things then return to the present to preach a message about the world’s actions at the present.  So what do we learn about the future?

  • Apparently the future will inevitably hold flying cars and bigger televisions.
  • People will wear more and more outlandish clothing
  • ALL the earths’ people will finally speak English all the time
  • Everything will be ludicrously expensive

HEROS. The characters meet a celebrity or hero whom they idolize.  Later that celebrity turns out to be a real jerk and the characters discover that the real hero is the ordinary guy that has been with them all along.

PIRATES. Nothing to say here.  There is always a pirate episode with plank-walking, sunken treasure, Arr-matey’s and all the standard piratical fare.  Usually at the end of the episode we are taught that most evil pirate’s are secretly good and just need a hug and some trust and they will do the right thing.

AMNESIA. Through some accident or injury a character will get amnesia and not know who they are.  The initial discovery of that character’s amnesia almost always contains this exchange followed by an immediate cut to commercial:

Character 1:  “Are you okay Billy?  That was quite a fall!”

Character 2: “Yes I’m okay… just one question though:  Who’s Billy?”

Coincidence?  You be the judge… post a comment!

10 Ways to Get Around Maryland’s New Hands-Free Driving Law

We’ve all seen the giant digital signs on the highway…

“No Texting While Driving… Hands-Free Devices Only… It’s The Law.”  This creates a serious problem for many of us who conduct large amounts of business and recreational conversation while driving. We can’t be stopped. We refuse to be cut-off. We are communicators and must find ways around pesky laws like this to keep the streams of communication open and vibrant.  Many people have lamented the fact that their commutes will now be insanely dull and that they will probably lose many friendships due to their sudden decline in communication.  Well, fear not!  Below are 10 ways that you can circumvent the no-texting-while-driving laws and keep your witty tweets and messages coming in full force.

  • Tint your windows so dark that no one can see inside to know what you are/aren’t doing with your hands.
  • Get a chauffer, let them do the driving.
  • Get a teenager, let them do the texting.
  • Keep your hands on the wheel- Learn to text with your feet!  There’s no law against texting with your feet so problem solved!
  • Uze a talk 2 tie p serv ice to trans l8 your talk ang into textz it wuks real yee god.
  • Duct tape your phone to the middle of the steering wheel. You’ll be able to use your thumbs to text if you hold the wheel at the 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock positions.  Booya!  You’re not holding your phone!
  • Get one of those metal frame neck holders that musicians use to hold their harmonicas.  Use it to hold your phone and text with your tongue. Or just make out with it. Your call (no pun intended).
  • Visit Chernobyl, grow extra hand out of belly button.  Use that hand to text, drive with the other two.
  • Do not touch your phone. Use the force. Text with your mind.  Yes, this is the answer you’ve been looking for…
  • Go retro:  Using a pencil and paper handwrite all the texts that you want to send before you leave the house.  Put the hard-copy text notes in envelopes and snail-mail them to the people you wanted to message.  Use the car to drive to the post office.  Mail them.  You will be applauded for your retro-cool sensibilities.