Crazy Things To Do With Mannequins

sunburned mannequin

Saw this weird orange/sunburned mannequin the other day at the mall.  It led me to come up with this Top Ten list of things to do with mannequins when you’re at a store.  In no particular order:

– Start screaming at one of them and when people start staring turn to them and say, “Do you mind?  This is personal!”

Whistle and make eyes at one of the more attractive mannequins.  Make the “call me” gesture from across the store.

– Find one of those mannequins where the head/arms are missing and then run up to the checkout counter and scream hysterically, “Someone’s been hurt, come quick!”

– Find a mannequin with arms and switch them around. (Bonus: Switch the arms and legs if possible. Like you used to do with Barbie and GI Joe figures).

– Find a mannequin with a head and turn it backwards.  Later, come back to the store, lay hands on the mannequin and start praying for it’s demonic deliverance.

– Bring a friend and stand in front of a mannequin commenting back and forth about it’s qualities like it’s a piece of art in a museum.  As you stand with folded arms or casually stroking your goatee say things like, “This style is so revolutionary, it’s going to change everything,” or “Just look at those colors… stunning.”

– Casually walk up to a mannequin, slap it in the face and yell, “That’s for what you did last night!”  After delivering your line and searing gaze, turn on your heels and storm out of the store in a huff.

– Walk up to a mannequin, wrap your arms around it and start sobbing quietly as you rest your head on it’s shoulder.  See how long it takes for an employee to say something.

– Pre-make a sign that says “I’m with stupid” with an arrow pointing to the left and bring it with you. Find a group of mannequins and hang the sign around one of their necks.  Take pictures. Run.

– Find a mannequin with posable arms and hands.  Pose them to throw up some gang signs.  (Bonus:  Find other mannequins and have them throw up rival gang signs across the store).

Toddler Gives Old Navy Dog Eye Exam

Please enjoy this picture of a toddler giving an eye exam to one of those fake plastic dogs at Old Navy.  I’m guessing the dog’s vision is not 20/20 but that he does only see in Black and White.  Or is not alive and therefore cannot see at all.  Or both.

baby gives dog eye exam at old navy

Religious Fragrances and Kim Kardashian

I was at the mall the other day and came across a variety of fragrances at the oh-so-chic perfume bar at JCPenny’s and found the most ironic line up of fragrances all in a row.  First, the very spiritual “Unconditional Love” followed by “Amazing Grace” and then, right next to it, Kim Kardashian!  I was surprised that so many fragrances were spiritually in-tune but even more surprised that Kim Kardashian was deemed to be holy enough to reside next to the illustrious “Amazing Grace.” In that moment of reflection I felt spiritual, foxy and magically fragrant all at the same time.   Enjoy the pics:

unconditional love amazing grace perfume

kim kardashian fragrance